Obstacles to Change

Do you know how pearls are formed? Tiny particles or organisms enter the oyster. In response to the pain, the oyster encases the pearl around the particle so that it ceases to irritate its delicate tissue.

The High Holidays come late this year (there was a leap month) giving us a bit more time to prepare. Yet even with an extra month, changing is not easy. In his book, “A Code of Jewish Ethics: volume 1,” Rabbi Joseph Telushkin outlines ten common obstacles to change.

1) Blaming others.
2) Rationalizing what we have done.
3) Believing the wrong we have done is good.
4) Minimizing the wrong.
5) Not repenting for something as soon as you become aware of it.
6) Intending to repeat the offense.
7) Pointing to worse things done by others.
8) Hypersensitivity to criticism.
9) Excessive pride.
10) Peer pressure and bad companions.

Instead of just promising to change, it might be productive to ask why we have not changed until now. Ask yourself what obstacle has kept you from becoming the kind of person you know you should be. The person that G-d created with so much potential and holiness, a person who can do so much good in the world.

Identified what has been the obstacle and remove it. If you have blamed others, stop blaming them. If you have rationalized what you have done, stop rationalizing. Once you have removed the obstacle, you will find the process of change to be much easier.

The Gaon (sage) of Vilna taught our very purpose on earth is to learn how to correct our flaw. Like the oyster, our flaws are the beginning from which something of great value and beauty will result. Oyster can only create pearls. From our flaws, through the process of tshuva, repentance we create something of infinite beauty and value. In the Talmud (Berachot 34b) Rabbi Abbahu teachers, “in the place where the repentant stand even the completely righteous cannot stand.”
Our flaws are the beginning of great holiness. Yet until we can successfully remove the obstacles to change, they remain flaws.

Kim, Evan, Seth Micah and I all wish you a Shana Tova U'metuka, a sweet and healthy New Year.