Why do Jews put stones on graves?

Q. Someone recently asked me why Jews put stones on graves. While I have always done so, I have no idea exactly why we do this whenever visiting a grave.



A. This is an excellent question for which many answers exist. In an old Midrash (Pesikta Zutra) we read that Jacob’s twelve sons placed stones on Rachel’s grave. In ancient times, a grave was marked with a pile of stones. The mourners honored the memory of the deceased by helping to create and maintain this marker. Rabbi Ovadia Yosef, former Sephardic chief Rabbi of Israel, writes that placing stones on the grave is a remnant of this ancient custom.

Since there is now a professionally made stone marker on the grave, there seems to be no need to continue this custom. Yet, the desire to leave something, to indicate our having visited the grave, is based on emotional and spiritual needs.

In America, most people place flowers on graves. Yet, stones have their own appeal and important symbolic meaning. Unlike the delicate beauty of flower, which whither as do the physical remains, the stones we place on the grave remain, symbolizing the eternal spiritual essence of the deceased.

We are reminded of this by the five initials traditionally placed on the bottom of the marker that are the initials for the phrase – may his/her soul be bound up in the bond of (eternal) life. Flowers symbolize what we have lost. Stones remind us of what still remains. Perhaps this is the more important thing to remember.